As Time Passes
by monochromatic days
Summary: AU - Two people who are destined for each other will inadvertently meet. And then as time passes, feelings are bred and relationships are formed. YULLENWEEK! Rating bumped up to M for last chapter!
1. He was Silent and I was Voiceless

**A/N: I'm following the main themes of Yullen Week, but they'll all fit into a chaptered fic as a complete story. Enjoy! :D **

**Oh, and Allen's still had his brown-hair and doesn't have a scar on his left eye and cheek (:**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!**

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><p>Allen Walker, at the age of sixteen, was currently living together with his foster father, Mana Walker.<p>

However, recently Mana hasn't been feeling very well and seeing how the temperature of the country is plummeting due to the approaching winter, it really isn't helping him to get any better. Thus, Allen, being the good boy he was, had volunteered to take care of his foster father. At the tender age of nine, he had already learned how to be greatly independent; something Mana had made an effort to instill into the young boy once he deemed Allen capable of taking care of himself.

In this time and day, nobody knows what might happen in the near future. Allen, being an orphan on the run at such a young age; and Mana, being known for not having any contactable family members at the moment, he was bound to have felt some responsibility to make sure that Allen was completely capable of being independent just incase anything should happen to him. But so far, all was well, and it didn't hurt to prepare themselves for unforeseen circumstances. However, the two chose not to dwell into things too much and just take life as it comes for now.

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><p>It was freezing, one of the coldest nights that they've had in this year's winter season. The streets were completely empty as everyone was cuddled up with their loved ones in front of their warm fireplace.<p>

Mana was working at a shop selling toys which was mostly centred around a circus theme, since Mana had worked in a circus before deciding to settle down someplace with Allen. On the other hand, the younger boy helped out with odd jobs that the townspeople may need assistance with so as to earn some money to be able to help Mana out. Hence their house wasn't elaborately furnished, but they had all the basic necessities to continue with their daily life. That, to Allen, was more then enough as long as he was with Mana.

So when Mana collapsed due to fatigue, Allen blamed himself. If he hadn't taken him in, Mana wouldn't have to work himself to exhaustion just to bring bread to the table for two. But, when Allen thought about it, if Mana had never found Allen and took him in, Allen would have missed out on feeling the warmth offered by a loved one.

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><p>Unfortunately, luck wasn't on his side and while the small boy was making his way back home, a stray dog had suddenly jumped out and barred its teeth at Allen. Probably because it had caught the scent of the food items due to the cold winds buffeting once in a while.<p>

Since it was cold, there would also probably be lesser food to be found so the stray dog was probably starving and hence had no choice but to turn to stealing food from unsuspecting passersby.

The dog attacked, trying to steal at least something which can help to satisfy its empty stomach and tide through the harsh winter. It was acting purely on its survival instinct and Allen couldn't even bring himself to get angry at it.

The teen cried, "No! These are for Mana! I can't give them to you! Go away!"

Honestly speaking, Allen felt sorry for the dog. But Mana also needed the food to nurse his health and all Allen was greatly focused on about at the moment was the importance to get the food back to Mana for nourishment.

On other occasions, Allen would feed it something. Only if Mana wasn't as I'll as he was now.

Allen cringed as the dog lounged, instinctively bringing up his left hand to block. However, it managed to sink its canine teeth into Allen's skin, resulting in a firm grip on the brown-haired boy's arm, causing immense pain. He tried to shake the animal off him, but to no avail. Unbeknown to him that someone had seen the entire scene on the cold winter streets.

Then suddenly, that same person leapt out from the shadows, waving something which looked like a wooden stick to Allen, at the stray dog in a manner which was supposed to be intimidating to it.

"Get away from him!" the stranger cried, and continued to wave the wooden stick, threatening it.

"No! Wait!" Allen pleaded, asking the newcomer to stop what he was doing. At this point in time, the dog was already distracted and Allen made a move to stroke its fur to calm it down. "There there, boy. Don't be scared. Just calm down. Here you go." Having no other choice, Allen broke apart a piece of bread, which was supposed to be his dinner for that night, and offered it to the starving dog. 'Guess eating a little less tonight wouldn't hurt.'

The stranger just stood there and looked at the scene unfolding before him, completely baffled. How could such a young child still keep his calm composure and even tried to soothe the dog even after being bitten all of a sudden?

The dog quickly devoured the small slice of bread and when it had slightly satiated its stomach, it came to its senses and realized its mistake in biting the younger teen. Whimpering, it nudged Allen's left arm before wanting to lick it to ease the pain. Of course, that only caused slobber to coat Allen's winter coat. The nine-year-old just stroked its fur a little more before saying, "Alright, it's cold now and I'd best be going too. You had better find some shelter OK? It's going to be a cold night tonight."

The stray whimpered once more before taking off, back to where it came from.

"Oi! You alright?" A voice shocked Allen, just ask he was attempting to get up after bring knocked down by the stray not moments ago, which effectively resulted in him falling back down again onto the slippery pavements which were already coated with a thin layer of ice.

"Ow… Um. Yeah. I'm OK." Allen was wary and didn't want to have much contact with this person. After all, everybody around him only pushed him away whenever he got a little too close. His time before Mana found him wasn't very enjoyable. When people see someone who was different from them, they would attempt to beat him up, ostracize him and whatnot. It wasn't a pleasant experience and he didn't want to go through that pain ever again.

"Tch, sure doesn't look like it." The stranger retorted as he move towards him, only with the dim streetlights illuminating a vague outline of him. He didn't look very old, that's for sure. Maybe two to three years older then Allen, after all, Allen was kind of short for his age.

Seeing the younger fumbling to get up, the stranger extended a hand to help him up. Allen had raised his left hand in return, but to end up feeling a shot of pain when the stranger attempted to pull him up.

"Oi, moyashi!" The stranger was shocked. Surely he hadn't pulled that hard, right? Upon closer inspection, it could be seen that there was a dark crimson slowly staining the younger boy's winter coat at where the stray had bitten in. "You're bleeding," he stated in a monotone.

"Huh? Oh no! What will Mana think? I can't let Mana this!" Allen panicked and clutched him arm tightly before something else clicked in his mind. "Hey… What's a moy-ah-shee?"

The stranger rolled his eyes and scoffed, "You're injured and all you're concerned about is what a moyashi is?"

"…" trying to avoid eye contact, Allen looked away. Surely the stranger only attempted to help him because he didn't know about how Allen was an orphan who was living together with someone who could be counted as being a loner. Rumours always spread, but only those who had known them for a long time knew that they weren't anyone suspicious.

Giving up, the stranger squatted down to look at Allen at eye level, since the stubborn teen refused to get his butt off the freezing pavement for reasons unknown to him. "Let me see your hand."

"No!" The moment the stranger touched his left arm, Allen immediately retracted his arm back, as if he was scalded by hot water.

Puzzled and irritated at the boy's childish behaviour, the older of the two quickly grabbed Allen's left arm in a vice grip, "See here. I'm trying to help you, which I don't normally do, so COOPERATE!"

Startled at the sudden outburst by the other, Allen meekly nodded. 'He'll run off after that anyway…'

Feeling a little triumphant that he got the younger to obey, the stranger rolled up Allen's sleeve, trying to get a good look at the wound. What he didn't expect to see, was how the arm was completely wrinkled and hard. The bite must have really been strong to be able to break the skin but Allen didn't seem to have much reaction towards the pain in him arm unless pressure is being put on it.

"Wha-?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I didn't want to show you this. I know it disgusts people…" Allen trailed off and then murmured, _"__That__'__s__probably__why__my__parents__left__me__"_

Silence fell upon them like a blanket, engulfing them in it for a while before Allen tugged at his arm, shaking Kanda out of his stupor.

"Sorry. I'm sure that wasn't something you liked to talk about."

"Huh?"

"Tch, what?"

"Ah. No. Its just, people usually would be scared of my arm and then take off before I have anything to say. You're the second one to be so accepting…" Allen was surprised. He really didn't expect the other to act like this. He had all but braced himself for a shove or something before the other took off at light speed. But what surprised Allen, was how he was able to blurt out something about his past, which he didn't even like to think about, so easily to the guy right in front of him. "Um… Can I ask for your name?"

"It's Kanda."

"Just Kanda?"

"… Yeah."

"Well, I'm Allen. Allen Walker."

"Tch. Moyashi is good enough for you."

"Hey! Stop that! What does it mean anyway?"

"Bean sprout."

"Hey! I'm not that short! And you haven't answered my question!"

"I just did."

"Huh?"

"Moyashi is bean sprout in Japanese."

"Oh… Wait. You're Japanese?"

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Huh… So what's with your long hair and that stick?"

"I'm keeping my hair long in honour of my family's pride. My ancestors were samurai in the past. And that isn't a stick! That's my shinai. I was training and was heading home until I saw you."

"You're training? In this cold weather?"

"…"

"…"

Awkward silence descended upon them once again before Kanda spoke up, "Its getting cold. Why don't you come over to my place so I can help you bandage that up before you head home?"

"Ah… I don't think that would be necessa-, HEY!" before Allen could even finish his sentence, Kanda had already grabbed Allen's good arm, pulled him onto his feet and dragged him towards the direction to his house.

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><p>Dabbing the wound with disinfectant and then tying a tourniquet, Kanda admired his handiwork before putting away his first-aid box.<p>

"I didn't know you lived with Uncle Tiedoll! Your house is right opposite mine! But I thought you were Japanese?"

"… I am. But I'm the only person remaining in my family after a fire broke out at our house. The old man took me in after that. Tch. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"

"How old are you anyway?"

"Nineteen."

"Really? And you can take care of yourself already? Wow!" Allen was intrigued. A boy who was only three years his senior was already confident that he was able to take care of himself!

Seeing the younger boy's eyes sparkle, Kanda got a little flustered, "It's… No big deal."

"So where is Uncle Tiedoll and the rest of the other kids I saw around him?"

"They're out."

"And you didn't follow them?"

"I don't like being around that bunch of people."

"Oh…"

"…"

"Well, I think I'd better be going. I'm worried about Mana. I'll see you soon?"

"Tch, whatever."

Kanda walked Allen to the door in silence before the both of they bid each other goodbye, with the promise that they'll see each other again.

That day, Allen went home with only one thought in his mind.

'_It's the first time that anyone other then Mana has cared so much about me even after they had seen my ugly arm.'_

And his heart would always flutter whenever Kanda and his kindness came into mind. It was stupid. How could someone feel so flustered just because of an act of kindness?

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><p>Once Mana was feeling better, Allen told him about how he'd met Kanda.<p>

Being the usual chatterbox he is, Allen went on and on about his new friend.

Of course, like a doting guardian, Mana was elated to know that there was someone who was able to stand by Allen should anything ever happen to him. He was also relieved to know that at least there was someone who was capable of taking good care of the younger boy.

Although, he was greatly puzzled as to why Kanda, of all people, had Allen grown attached to, since he'd heard a lot about the Japanese boy being completely anti-social and hates being around people. But if he thought about it, Allen had a bright aura which was able to melt even the iciest of hearts as long as they allowed him to get close to them.

So as time passed and the two spent more time together, Allen learnt that there was another side to Kanda. Mean, rude and uncouth. Even then, he would still look out for Allen like a protective older brother.

Allen would then question, why would Kanda act like this even though he really hated human contact? Even Tiedoll was puzzled when he heard that Allen and Kanda were always spending a lot of time together.

But the adults had just wanted to wait and see what happens next.

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><p>Ever since Allen had fed the stray dog some of his food the other day, it had been able to trace Allen's scent and track it to their house. It occasionally brought some food items, for which Allen lightly reprimanded the dog not to do so because he didn't want it to be stealing things just because it was feeling sorry for that bite on Allen's arm, which was already healing quickly.<p>

Seeing how attached it had gotten towards Allen, Mana chuckled lightly and asked Allen if he would like to keep it as a pet to which Allen replied with gusto, "Yes!"

It wasn't dirty, but it wasn't very clean either. Other then that, the dog looked completely like someone had owned it before…?

"Hey… Were you, by and chance, abandoned?" Allen asked it. He wasn't really expecting a reply but when it had dipped its head and whimpered, Allen knew that his guess was right. "Don't worry! I'll never leave you alone! Now let's get you cleaned up!"

He patted the dog's head affectionately before leading it to the bathroom inside the house to get it scrubbed clean.

Once the scrub down session was over and done with, the layers of dirt were successfully removed to reveal beautiful golden fur underneath. "There! Good as new! Now all we have to do is give you a name. Hmm… What would be good? How about… Timcampy? And Tim, for short?" Allen smiled.

The Golden Retriever then moved to nuzzle in Allen's open palm, beckoning it to pet it again, as a way to show its approval towards the name.

Allen grinned and reminiscent, thinking back on the very day where he had met Tim, which was also the day where he had made the acquaintance of Kanda.

Days, weeks and months have passed since then. Allen treasured all the moments they had shared together. He wasn't really used to having someone who would stay by his side for so long. Even though he'd gotten used to Kanda's frequently changing moods, being able to be on par with him when they were both arguing, and also knowing how to read the atmosphere around the older male to adapt to, he still had the feeling that there was something more to them rather then a platonic friendship.

"You know… I can't really describe how Kanda really is. We spend time together but most of the time he's just so quiet. He doesn't speak at all and I'm always the one doing the talking. Unless, of course, when he tries to insult me or something by calling me a 'moyashi'," Allen scowled. "It doesn't really feel right, you know? Kanda gives off this aura that he doesn't like having people around him. So why doesn't he mind me hanging around him? He's special to me, that's for sure. But am I… Special to him?" Tim gave a slight whimper and tilted its head, as if wondering what Allen really meant.

"I just don't understand this, Tim. He's so silent, but he still does give me some sort of indication that he's listening to what I say. Even though sometimes I could tell by how irritable he was getting, but even then, he'd still listen to me talk. For some reason, that makes me kind of happy. And… There's this feeling in my chest that I can't really understand how to tell him. I'm not sure what this is."

"Guess when it comes to this, I'll just have to wait until I can find the words to be able to relay how I really feel about Kanda to him then. But maybe, some other day."

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><p><strong>AN: This turned out slightly different from what I planned and pictured it. But it is still somewhat the story I wanted to tell. This chapter is supposed to be solely focused on their meeting and Allen-centric. And it's kind of rushed in places, I know. But I didn't want the story to be so long and draggy that it'll become a, well, drag to read. I might edit some pieces in this chapter though, cause it came out rather rushed. I didn't have much time to sit down and slowly let the muse come to me to write and I went to drag it out of its hiding place instead. I am totally swamped with work since my part-time job is at its peak period right now. **

**It's a chaptered fic! Don't worry! It's the first chapter out of seven, of course, each chapter following the respective themes for Yullen Week. Enjoy! And do let me know what I should improve on (the review button is right below this~!) so I can add it in when I get around to do some editing! :D**


	2. Into the Shadows we run

**A/N: Nothing much to say. On to the story (:**

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><p>Somewhere along the way, Allen had met the acquaintance of Lavi Bookman and Lenalee Lee.<p>

Lavi had stopped by their little town to visit a certain "Yuu-chan", as the red-head would like to put it, while also taking a break from travelling the world with his grandfather. Both men seemed to be working on some sort of journal, if which they would jot down certain events and record it down as history. Their so-called "place of origin" as in, their start-line was from this small town where Kanda had resided in with after Tiedoll had adopted him, along with a few others. Ultimately, the both of them met and Lavi took to irritating the raven-haired male every opportunity he could get just because he wanted to see the Japanese riled up.

Lenalee, on the other hand, had caught wind that Lavi would be visiting Kanda and had decided to take the chance to stop by too, to visit both of her childhood friends. She was born in China, but their family moved to this small town in England to settle down for a while. That was how she'd met Lavi and Kanda. However, a few years later, the entire family had decided to move back to their hometown because they couldn't quite adapt to their new environment. Even then, Lenalee had still made frequent visits back because she was one who treasured her friends.

That week which they stopped by, had got to be liveliest week ever for a certain brown-hair male. However, for a certain raven-haired, it was a completely different story.

Kanda was visibly more irritable during that period of time, of which was spent trying to castrate Lavi for annoying him with all that "Yuu-chan!" and being way too clingly towards him. Even though Lavi subtly teased in a whiny voice, "Well, you let Allen-chan get close to you…" He'd never expected Kanda to say, "Tch, he's different."

That was when Lavi realized what was going on between the two. He knew that there was something wrong the moment he caught Kanda being around a younger and such an exuberant boy, for that matter. He'd known Kanda since they were little kids and the redhead had never seen the pissy guy ever get close to anyone of his own free will. Even Lenalee was surprised when she saw how the two exchanged words. There were times when they engaged in aimless conversations, but most of the time, it was mindless bickering. As entertaining as it is to watch, both Lenalee and Lavi were intrigued at how a boy like Allen was able to melt the ice prince's heat so easily, especially since Kanda had always locked his heart up even before they had met.

Feeling childish, as usual, Lavi suggested walking around in the forests, since it was too cold for a picnic. And also, since Tiedoll had a toboggan lying around, why not make use of it too? Surely they could find a clearing in the forest. It's been a while since the three childhood friends went there to play, well, mostly Lavi and Lenalee, since Kanda would just be sitting in a corner and sulking because Lavi had used some underhanded methods of luring him there.

The sun was high up in the sky, but the warmth wasn't enough to melt any of the thick layers of ice coating the entire landscape.

Clad in their winter wear, Lenalee and Allen accompanied Lavi along for the trip, albeit roping a completely reluctant Kanda along for the ride, of course.

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><p>The winter landscape in the forest was exactly the same as when the childhood trio came in the past. For Allen, it was a whole new experience.<p>

"Allen-chan! Pretty cool huh? I've always came out here to hide cause Lenalee's house wouldn't do, since her brother's a little loony-"

"Hey!" Lenalee's interjected.

"What? It's true! Just because I came by to your house to hide from gramps, his sister complex starts acting up!"

"That doesn't make him loony!"

"He built machines that attack people! That has got to be illegal!"

"But I still dragged you out here to save your sorry ass."

"... True enough."

Letting the two bicker, Allen walked over to Kanda, "So how did you find this place? It doesn't see like you came with them."

"Tch, this was the best place to do some kendo training by myself. Unfortunately those idiots there decided to barge in one day, make a huge ruckus and then annoy the living shit out of me."

"... I don't know if you're lucky or not."

"Humph, I thought it was pretty obvious." Kanda snorted.

"Well, at least you had friends."

"..."

"Ah, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry."

"Baka, why are you apologizing?"

"Ah... Sorry. I'm just used to it. I don't really know how to get along with people since they always shun me."

"You look like you're getting along perfectly well with people."

"But that's just you and Mana! I still feel a little awkward around Lavi and Lenalee, even though they treat me like normal. Then again, it's because they haven't seen my arm yet..."

"Are you that dense? Do they look like those kind of people to you?"

"Um… No?"

"Exactly. So what are you worrying about?"

"Nothing?"

"Tch, Baka Moyashi."

"Hey! I'm not a bean sprout!"

"You're short."

"I'm not _that_ short!"

"You are to me."

"Am not!"

"I'm not playing that childish argument game with you."

"Does that mean you admit defeat?"

"To what?"

"Me being tall."

"Hah! You kidding? Like that will ever happen."

"Why yo-" just as Allen was about to shoot back a smart retort, Lavi interrupted, "Hey guys! How about we play Shadow Tag?"

Apparently, Lenalee and Lavi's argument had ended some while ago and were intently looking on at the two males, bickering like married couple. Fighting over the smallest details can even lead to violent sparring matches, and Lavi have had experience with that, having seen it happened on more then one occasion in that short time he was around the two.

"Shadow Tag?" Allen asked, intrigued by the name as he had never heard of it before.

"Its just some stupid childi-" Kanda went before being cut off by Lavi, "You've never played it before? Well! All the more we shall do it, right, Yuu-chan?"

"Yeah, Kanda. It'll be fun! At least let Allen have a memory of it." Lenalee added.

And then Lavi moved to whisper to Kanda, "It's also a good chance to spend quality time with Allen, don't you agree?"

"Do whatever shit you guys want, but count me out." With that, Kanda stormed off, clearly irritated; a side effect from staying near Lavi too long, he presumed.

"Hey! Kanda!" Allen called, reaching out to pull him back.

"Leave him, Allen. He needs time to sort his feelings out."

"Feelings? What feelings?"

"Oh, you know. This and that…" Lavi trailed off.

"Lavi. You're confusing him." Lenalee sighed. "Forget about this. Shall we begin? I've been itching to run!"

"Gosh, Lenalee. You're only excited about this so you can flaunt your track skills again, aren't ya?"

"Oh, Lavi! You know me so well! I'll be _'__It__'_ first!"

"Shit! Allen, I hope you can run fast!"

As if right on queue, all three of them took off and peals of laughter reverberated in the air.

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><p>Running all over the place had gotten Allen utterly winded. The game extended from only the clearing in the forest, to the entire forest itself.<p>

As Lavi had mentioned, Lenalee was a fast runner. But she had so much fun running and enjoying the cold wind rushing by that she'd decided to tease them a little by running just behind them, but not enough to step in their shadows. Until she got bored of it, Lavi was the unfortunate one who happened to be the one right in front of her. So right after Lenalee stepped on his shadow, she excitedly shouted, "Lavi! You're it!" and took off, giggling, now that she was able to run at full speed.

"Man, Lenalee! You're horrible as always! Allen! I'm coming for you! Watch out, wherever you are!"

At that point in time, all three teens were already scattered all over the place, both Lenalee and Allen were on the lookout for Lavi while the latter had to scout for the other two.

Lenalee, being Lenalee, would have probably taken this time to do some laps so that she'll stay in shape for an upcoming competition back in China.

So Allen was all alone at the moment, and probably far enough from Lavi such that he could slow down a little and take a breather. What he didn't expect was seeing a sleeping Kanda, sitting down and legs folded, with his back leaning against a fir tree.

Deciding against waking him up and asking him why the hell was he out sleeping in the cold for fear of his life (Allen knew from experience that a grumpy Kanda being roused from sleep was never good for his sanity and life). So he just settled for sitting down beside Kanda, and in the same posture, on his left.

"What the hell are you doing here, Moyashi?" Kanda's voice sounded the moment Allen settled down.

"Oh! I thought you were asleep! And I've told you time and again, I'm not a bean sprout! And I have a name called-"

"Bean sprout."

"Hey!"

"Ever heard of meditating?"

"Huh?"

"Guess not."

"Hey, BaKanda! Stop trying to change the subject!"

"…"

Turning to face the Japanese male, Allen saw that his eyes were closed and murmured, "Huh. He fell asleep."

"I'm not asleep, baka. I'm meditating. Are you completely clueless?"

"Well, sorry for not knowing a lot of things. I spent most of my life running away from people rather then sit down, and learn about all sorts of things in the world."

"…"

"Ah. I'm doing it again. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, stupid."

"…"

"…"

"So, um. Aren't you cold?"

"No."

"…"

"Are you?"

"… A little…?"

Kanda snorted, but nonetheless did something surprising. He reached out and took Allen's right hand into his own.

"Um. Kanda? You feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, Moyashi."

"It's Allen!"

"Whatever."

Unbeknown to them, both Lavi and Lenalee had already seen the little quiet (not) moment the two shared and decided to leave them alone, whilst hiding in the shadows. The two were just happy that Kanda was able to let someone in and not constantly lock himself away.

So they called off the game and the two headed back to their respective accommodations, leaving the two together to watch the sun set.

* * *

><p>As the orange ball of fire slowly disappeared and the sky was visible darkened, the temperature of the surroundings plummeted. Both Allen and Kanda had sat in the exact same spot, freezing their butts off, but never letting go of each others' hands, their only source of warmth.<p>

No idle chatter, no nothing.

Complete silence encased them.

That was, until Allen spoke, "Hey, Kanda? We should be headin- mmfph"

And that was all it took to silence Allen.

Just one kiss from a certain stoic Japanese.

And then, hands still interlocking, they disappeared into the shadows once the light from the sun disappeared and shrouded the entire field in darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Phew! It's out! I based the theme more on playing _Shadow_ Tag but then again it just seemed more like a cameo appearance rather then anything else. So yeah. I tried adding the word shadows as much as I could in this fic. Guess it worked out pretty well. Guys, do leave a review if you have time. I'd love to hear what you guys think 6:**


	3. The feeling of you on my Fingertips

_**Kanda's POV**_

He wasn't training at all. And he sure as hell wasn't stalking either.

But when he saw that Allen was struggling with that stray, he felt that he should step in to help the younger boy who had managed to capture his attention since Day One.

And that, by itself, was already an amazing feat no one had ever achieved.

Kanda Yuu was not a person who would be attached to anything, besides his precious Mugen, or anybody at all.

Why should this boy be any different?

Kanda himself couldn't understand it at all.

Ever since the day Allen had moved in with Mana across the street, Kanda had seen how happy-go-lucky the young boy was.

And it irked him to no end.

But what irritated him more was that how badly his attention span was so easily affected by that certain male, that all his hard work he had put into training his mind through meditation throughout the years had been effectively rendered to NIL in just a few short days.

This was the absolute worst.

* * *

><p>To say the least, the boy was intriguing.<p>

To say the _**most**_, the boy was downright annoying as hell.

How had this guy managed to capture Kanda's attention was completely beyond him.

He had just felt a certain attraction towards the male, like something was pulling him to want to know more about him, to want to feel him on his fingertips.

Kanda knew this wasn't natural.

Hell, he didn't even know if he was more interested in guys or girls since he hadn't really thought about it, what with being totally anti-social and not wanting to come into any human contact at all.

But honestly, Kanda was too busy having an internal debate with himself for caring about that damned Moyashi rather then focus on the more important things at hand, like training and trying to avoid his overly-happy adopted family.

* * *

><p>So when Kanda kindly offered to help the Moyashi up, of course he ended up very pissed off since the boy refused to take hold of his hand. What pissed him off even more was the fact that Kanda was so hopeful of being able to touch the younger male, even if just for an instant.<p>

Ok. When the hell had he become so touch-feely?

But all in all, his heart was doing little leaps at being able to talk to the younger male. He looked even more angelic up close. Pale skin glowed under the soft hue of the streetlights, almost blending in with the falling snow.

Even though it was kind of a weird start, it was still somewhat progress since Kanda was able to talk a little with Allen. However, the "talks" were mostly snide remarks directed at Allen's height before escalating into full fledge fights. But then again, at least they were both able to act naturally around each other.

That, itself, was progress.

* * *

><p>When Allen had showed Kanda his arm that night, the Japanese was anything but surprised.<p>

Why?

Well, obviously the boy had something to hide while wearing long sleeves in the heat of the summer days. The self-consciousness of constantly wanting to cover up every part of his body left Allen awfully pale. At first, Kanda had wondered if the boy was suffering from malnutrition but then mentally smacked himself for worrying about someone whom he didn't even know, yet.

The raven-haired Japanese had never felt so humiliated in his entire life.

Why were all these feelings bubbling up inside of him?

What happened to his usual calm and composed self?

How did this even happen in the first place?

If anything else, Kanda blamed the fact that most of Allen's smiles towards others, besides Mana, were all so fake that they could be easily seen through and yet none of the people who were graced with those same smiles even noticed anything amiss.

In many ways, there were alike.

Yet in many other ways, they were different.

Maybe that was what that drew Kanda to Allen. Like an attractive force of a magnet where both were of polar opposites.

Kanda wanted to run his hands through those brown locks, feel the softness of his skin on his fingertips with every touch, every caress, and every kiss that they will share in the times to come.

Not only was Allen pale, he also felt cold easily.

Well, being nothing but skins and bones, it was pretty obvious.

But nonetheless, even though Allen's fingers were always cold, they felt so warm when Kanda held them in a tight grip.

* * *

><p><em>Always watching you from afar,<em>

_Always wanting to feel you on my fingertips._

_You were the only one who was able to invoke these feelings within me,_

_And I'll grab hold onto them, never letting them go,_

_Just like how I'll never let you go._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: OK. This felt more like a drabble then anything else. But I needed to include Kanda's POV in this so I figured _Fingertips_ was the best theme to do it (:**


	4. Like Mirrors, our eyes Reflect emotions

They say that eyes are the window to your souls.

Those same eyes reflect the emotions of the person inside.

* * *

><p>When Allen had just moved into the quaint little town, his eyes were a dull silver, void of any emotions. But as time passed, a small glimmer of hope and happiness became evident in those silver orbs, lightening them up with a little twinkle in those eyes. The reason? The feeling of love and warmth was given to him. The ice that had started to freeze over his heart, encasing it in an icy prison to protect itself, was slowly melted.<p>

Until recently, those cobalt orbs have never once shown any other emotions other then indifference or annoyance. Clearly, after the trauma of his deceased family, he would surely start to lock himself up in his own world, away from everyone else.

But even when he was with his family, he wasn't one to smile very frequently. In fact, there wasn't much difference between then and now, at least for those who weren't extremely sensitive to others' feelings.

Those dark cobalt eyes.

* * *

><p>When Kanda had started interacting with a certain Allen Walker, he didn't know what drove him to make the first move.<p>

In all honesty, he was completely against the idea. Until, of course, he lost an internal debate with himself.

When someone was so similar to you, almost like a mirror image, or a reflection of yourself on the emotional level, one would naturally be able to understand the other.

Similar, yet completely different.

It has always been like that.

Even though the way they present themselves on the outside was completely different from each other, they were still the same.

Allen, on the other hand, was completely elated at having made a friend, even though all they did was bicker, but still, having someone whom you could almost call a "friend" was -in a way- assuring to the brown-haired boy.

But after the kiss at the forest the other day, Allen thought that he really needed to reevaluate the relationship he has with Kanda.

Friendship? Something like that...

Love? That couldn't be right. Right?

But between right and wrong, ethical and unethical, Allen honestly couldn't care less, and Kanda probably felt the same way.

Maybe they could take this chance and see what happens.

Maybe just one time, they'll allow themselves to find true happiness, something which they've always lacked.

Comforting words weren't something of normality between the two.

They'd prefer to let their actions speak rather then pouring in a plethora of words just to convey their feelings.

That was what worked best between them.

Initially, Allen wouldn't even have known about Kanda's feelings, had it not been for that chaste kiss. In that instant, Allen realised he'd felt the same towards the older male all along.

The verbal fights they've had, brought them closer together, emotionally.

The physical fights they've had, brought them closer together, physically.

But they both knew, no matter what, those silly and childish acts meant nothing at all. They've never once taken anything to heart since they both knew that that was the only way of communication between them that was a sort of resemblance to being _normal_.

* * *

><p>Both having lost their family at such a young age, were forced to become orphans.<p>

Kanda was the luckier one, having someone adopt him the very moment he was found alive in that wreckage of a fire which had killed his family. Tiedoll, being an old friend of his family's and also having a kind-heart, took pity on the young boy and decided to raise him up in place of his friends. But Kanda wasn't the only orphan whom he'd adopted since Tiedoll had the tendency to move around a lot because of his work. An artist needed a change of pace and scenery from time to time to keep those creative juices flowing.

On the other hand, Allen wasn't that fortunate. Abandoned at a young age because of a disfigurement of his left arm, was hardly fair. But the deed was done and Allen was forced to walk the harsh world, completely alone. He would often have to resort to stealing food and clothes to stay alive and warm, much to the annoyance of the townsfolk, which had frequently sent thugs to take care of the young boy. Allen was forced to endure all the hits and beatings, only to crawl back into a deserted alleyway after that to nurse his wounds and cry himself to sleep. His luck only took a turn for the better when a travelling circus came to town and he'd run into a certain male, when he was trying to get away from the lady at the bakery for stealing a loaf of bread. Said male, who turned out to be none other then Mana, had sat the boy down and questioned the silver-eyed boy on the whole event, eventually learning about the young boy being an orphan because of a small birth defect.

Then he'd said, "Well, I've decided to quit the circus and retire someplace quiet and start a new life. If you don't mind, why not come along with me?"

And that was all that was needed for Allen to gain a little hope in mankind.

* * *

><p>Sharing childhood stories were painful, especially when both of their past had nothing good to neither talk about nor remember. Both Allen and Kanda had sat themselves down during one of the days and talked about them, trying to get those horrid memories out of their minds.<p>

It was nothing but a fire for Kanda, and nothing but violence for Allen. The only thing they had in common was the complete loneliness they'd felt.

"Hey, Kanda?"

"What?"

"You won't leave right?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, you won't leave me alone right? You know how loneliness feels…"

"… Yeah, I won't."

"Promise?"

"Tch, I promise, Baka Moyashi."

"Like I said! I'm no bean sprout! Its ALLEN. AL-LEN!" And for once that had to be the most half-hearted retort towards his nickname.

A happy glint could be seen in those mercury eyes when Kanda had glanced past them, being completely enraptured. He could those hidden emotions hiding behind them, the uncertainty being completely swept away and replaced with relief and happiness. Kanda could also see himself being reflected in those silver eyes, where for the first time, he smiled.

It was a small smile, but it was still a smile nonetheless.

* * *

><p><em>You were the only one who really understood how I felt, the only one who is willing to stand by me through thick and thin.<em>

_You would probably never know how much I longed for someone like you by my side._

_But thank you for being here for me._

_We're completely broken, like shattered mirrors. Our actions don't reflect our true selves because the reflection is diffused.  
><em>_But when you take all the shards and try to piece them back together, you'll find that you're the missing fragment in my puzzle._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It's a little late, but I made it nonetheless! Leave a review if you'd like. Honestly, I'm not really forcing anyone but it would be nice. I'd love to hear from you guys! :D**

**Merry Christmas and have a happy holiday!**


	5. Your Lies burn deep scars within me

**Allen's POV**

He lied.

He said he wouldn't leave.

He said he wouldn't leave me alone.

But he did.

He left.

He's gone now.

When will I see him again?

Will I ever see him again?

Why did he leave?

"_I'm sorry, I have to leave."_

After he said that, he just up and left.

Why?

_Why?_

* * *

><p>If things couldn't get any worse, not long after <em>he<em> left, Mana's condition had gotten much worse.

I thought he was getting better, but I was wrong. Very wrong.

After meeting _him _that winter night, I had been spending more time with _him _rather then with Mana. He'd admitted, saying that he didn't want me to worry and wanted me to live a normal life and have friends for once. He didn't want to be a burden to me, especially after I had found someone whom I could call a friend. So during my absence, due to work and also hanging out with the _liar_, I totally neglected my adopted father's health. He even lied to me each day, saying that he was slowly recovering from a slight cold.

They're all lying to me.

Why?

Why do they have to do this?

Why can't they be frank with me for once?

Why won't they tell me what's really going on?

_Why can't they stop lying to me?_

* * *

><p>"No, Mana. Please. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me too," Allen sobbed, kneeling by Mana's hospital bed.<p>

Apparently the older male had been suffering from Pneumonia and hadn't had the "slight cold" checked out immediately at the hospital.

Now it was too late.

Much too late.

And Allen berated himself for not noticing that instead of getting better, like Mana had claimed, his condition had slowly deteriorated.

"No..."

"Al... Len..."

"W-what is it, Mana?"

"D-don't... E-ever... Stop... Walki-"

Silence. There was complete silence at that moment when Allen held his breath. The only sound present, was the incessant beeping of the cardio meter and one single green line spreading across it.

"Mana? MANA? FATHER!"

* * *

><p>For several weeks, Allen had locked himself in his room after the passing of his adopted father. As if things couldn't get any worse after his first friend, if you could call <em>him<em>that, and ironically, his first love, had left him alone to fend for himself in this harsh world, even though he'd promised not to.

Sure, Allen was used to people leaving him, especially after they've found out about his birth defect and all. But for some reason, the separation from both _him_and Mana had dealt great blows to him.

Fumbling about, it's already been about four months since _he_had left.

_'Obviously he isn't coming back. Why am I being so hopeful for? If anything I should be mad at him for breaking that promise! To think I even liked him and all. This is the worst. The _absolute_ worst.'_

Things weren't going well. They weren't going well at all.

Allen had completely lost interest in everything else, and would rather mope around in the house which he had once shared with Mana. The usually small space was now suddenly very large, and the feeling of loneliness attacked Allen tenfold, since his childhood.

It wasn't that difficult to deal with loneliness if you've never been loved or cared for before. That was how he was able to get through it when he was younger, being a street rat.

But now, after having experienced kindness, love and comfort from others, it was difficult for Allen to adjust back to his childhood self, where he would completely shut himself off from the world, not caring about what others thought about him except for surviving. The need to survive, alone. But no matter how much he'd tell himself that, Allen couldn't help but always feel a twinge of emptiness in his heart.

* * *

><p>The abandonment by Kanda and the death of Mana had really given Allen a slap in the face as a wake-up call.<p>

He couldn't always depend on someone else to be there for him.

He had to be strong to be there for himself.

He had to be able to live completely independently.

He _knew_ how to be independent.

Mana had taught him that.

Ever since that resolve, Allen had tirelessly worked himself to the bone to earn enough dough to sustain himself for the days, weeks, months and years to come. It wasn't easy, and he had to resort to taking up more odd jobs or part-time jobs just to be able to pay the bills for the house and also feed Tim and himself.

The Golden Retriever had sensed the gloomy atmosphere that had settled over his master and it was pretty sure about all the events that had happened. Tim had always been by Mana's side over the course of time when Allen wasn't around. It wasn't of much help, but it was still some nice company for Mana. When the Golden had sensed something amiss with his master's guardian, it was tempted to run out and get Allen back here to alert him, but Mana could guess what the Golden's intentions were and had forbidden it to so anything about it.

Likewise, the Golden was also able to understand what Mana had meant, deep down, and had given in. Trotting back to Mana's bedside, it settled down and lolled on the floor instead.

* * *

><p><em>Allen deserves his happiness without needed an old sick man dragging him down as a burden to carry.<em>

* * *

><p>For Allen, Mana's passing was surprisingly easy to let go of.<p>

Death by illness and old age wasn't something that could have been controlled.

Sure, he'd berate himself for not noticing Mana's condition sooner, but it was Mana's own decision to not do anything about it. And Allen had always respected Mana's decisions.

He knew that Mana wouldn't want to see Allen mourning over his death. Allen also knew that Mana treasured Allen's happiness above all else; always giving Allen the best he could provide just to see that smile, just to see that small little child who had suffered so much at such a young age to be able to smile so easily and warmly. And that had always been the source of happiness for Mana since he day he'd decided to adopt the little boy.

However, getting over the separation from _him,_ was no easy feat.

Allen couldn't understand why.

He lied, he left.

It was as simple as that. Allen could have hated him for that, but he had never had the heart to bring himself to do it.

_Why?_

Allen couldn't understand.

Sure, they'd shared a few light kisses and touches.

They've also bickered and engaged in physical fights over the smallest of matters.

Allen wasn't really sure what he'd call this relationship they have.

Lovers?

He'd chosen to believe that once, but was it really even possible?

He didn't know about _him _but for himself, it was as sure as hell he'd never even fallen in love with anybody before.

Allen didn't even know what love feels like.

All he knew was how much it had hurt the moment he realised Kanda had lied about being by his side, never leaving, forever.

Allen could _hate_ him.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Allen could _forget_ him.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

All these conflicting emotions and feelings welling up inside him were quickly overflowing. He needed an outlet, somehow, to release all those pent up feelings, and what better way was it to run as fast as he could, away from civilization and into the dense forest, to exhaust himself, to scream with the wind as he moved.

Even as he was doing it, there was only one thought in his mind:

_Please, come back, Kanda._

* * *

><p><em>He probably would hate him.<em>

_He probably would never forgive him._

_But he would have been obviously lying to himself if he'd said that he didn't miss the navy-haired male._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Not really sure if I'm happy or not with the outcome of this but… Ah well. I realize this fic is starting to become more and more of an introspective kind of fic rather then focusing more on their relationship. Guess I'm too used to writing like this. I hope the last two will be better nee? (: **

**Leave a review if you'd like. It'll greatly encourage me :D**


	6. To defend my Pride & my family's Honour

**Kanda's POV**

Pride. Something Kanda treasured above everything else.

He took pride in his swordsmanship, and he took pride in upholding his family's honour.

The only thing he'd left with in remembrance of that fact was Mugen; a precious family heirloom which was locked away safely, in an underground cellar, which protected it from the fire which burned down the entire house. Kanda had went and retrieved it the moment the surroundings was deemed safe enough to set foot on.

Mugen was the embodiment of the Kanda family's honour and pride.

It then also became the embodiment of Kanda's determination.

That was the reason why he'd left the quaint little town he's been living for almost 10 years, when Tiedoll had declared that he wanted to travel back to Japan for a change of pace and a change of scenery. Usually, Kanda would've complained relentlessly about the hassle of having to move, especially when now, when he had Allen tying him down here. Ever since he was adopted into the family, they've only moved about twice before settling down into this quaint little town in the more deserted areas of London. It was here which they've stayed for the longest time. Usually it was about one or two years. But Tiedoll had found the place so relaxing that it stimulated his muse easily, his creativity was easily awakened and had never run dry for a moment.

But it was completely different when the country 'Japan' was mentioned. Kanda's birthplace, and also, it provided the best opportunity to train and pick up more skills back in Japan, the root of samurai history, even though he couldn't stand being together with his overly-happy adopted family. So it was the perfect opportunity.

He'd wanted to be the best swordsman that his family could be proud of. But who was he to disappoint them? His family members _are _descendants of a noble samurai family. There was no way he would end up being someone who'd disappoint his family's honour, even though the way of the samurai was slowly dying out in modern Japan. It was even more important to him now, when his family had already passed on. His full devotion to training himself with the way of the sword had led him to be often ostracized by his peers.

Kanda was more interested in practicing with his shinai and his meditation sessions rather then hanging out with people. That made him extremely reclusive and it soon became a habit of his as he chose not to interact with other people, given all the bad treatment he's been _graced_ with by his peers due to his non-existent social skills. But that didn't stop him from feeling a complete void in his heart.

Ever since Allen came into his life, Kanda had been much happier. Not that he would tell anyone, of course. But being with the shorter male, he was able to feel emotions that he's never felt before, albeit continually putting on a passive front.

He'd promised Allen, to stay with him, never leaving him alone ever again.

Kanda never breaks promises.

But he broke that promise.

He broke that promise to fulfill the one he'd made to himself when he was younger.

But was it really worth it?

Was it really worth risking Allen's feelings for this?

_Was it?_

* * *

><p>It has been only a few months since they've been in Japan.<p>

Kanda had taken it upon himself to train much harder, looking around at any good dojos he could participate in sparring sessions with.

But even though he could see his skills improving much faster then when he was travelling around, the raven-haired male still couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

He missed the damn moyashi.

He missed the damn moyashi way too much that his mind was constantly filled with thoughts of the younger male.

He yearned for his smile.

He yearned for his laugh.

Most of all, Kanda yearned for Allen's touch.

The feeling of the brown-haired boy's cold hands always felt to warm on his skin.

He had tried to banish all these redundant thoughts and focused on the more pressing matter at hand, finish his training. He was successful, however, it was only when he was focusing his mind on his opponent's attacks. During his meditation sessions, he wasn't able to clear his mind and a mental image of a certain beansprout would always unknowingly float back into his mind.

It was annoying.

Annoying as hell.

* * *

><p><em>What is he doing now?<em>

"I don't care."

_Does he hate me?_

"I don't care."

_Will he forgive me?_

"I don't care."

_What is our relationship, exactly?_

"I don't care."

_What is he to me?_

"I don't care."

_What am I to him?_

"I don't care."

_Is he still waiting for me?_

"I don't care."

_Is he even waiting for me?_

"I don't care."

_Will we be able to see each other again?_

"… I-"

* * *

><p>The next few months, Kanda forced himself to exhaustion through purely physical trainings alone. It was the only effective method of trying to forget about Allen Walker, by forcing his mind into giving commands to his limbs to perform the precise movements.<p>

Well, forget was a nearly impossible task and hence it was only a temporary respite from the brown-haired boy from dominating his train of thoughts. Meditation was clearly not an option, of course.

So once Kanda had exhausted his daily limit, he would collapse into his welcoming bed and dreams about those very same silver eyes which have enraptured him since the day when their eyes met briefly. Allen would probably have any memory of that moment even happening, but Kanda did.

He would never forget it.

_Those silver eyes._

* * *

><p><em>I'm sorry. <em>

_I never meant to leave. _

_Just let me finish this. _

_I swear to you, once this important promise of mine had been fulfilled, I'll return to you and fulfill my promise to you._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys! Thanks for following the story thus far. I hope you guys find it a pleasure to read instead of a complete eyesore. **

**I'd like to thank all of you who reviewed. It really means a lot to me when you guys give me your opinions, be it good or bad. But it's not like I'm forcing anyone at gunpoint to review so don't feel obligated to do so, really. I write because I love to write and I want to continuously improve myself through experience and all, so yeah. Reviews are helpful, not compulsory, just saying. (:**


	7. I want to feel your Touch again

**A/N: Rating bumped up to M for this chapter! But you guys can skip the lemon part indicated by the *.**

* * *

><p>How long has it been?<p>

How many _years_ has it been?

One?

Two?

Three years?

_It's been three years, huh?_

_Will he still be here?_

_Will he still be waiting here?_

* * *

><p>Kanda wandered around the familiar streets of his old home. It was still the same as always, quite and cold.<p>

He'd finally admitted to himself that he was worthy of carrying down his family name after all that intense training back in Japan in the past years. Reaching twenty-one years old, a full fledge adult, he was finally free to roam on his own. And his top priority, at the moment, was to find that one person he'd left behind.

"_I'm sorry, I have to leave."_

That was all he'd said to the other.

No explanations, no nothing.

Just a simple goodbye.

Kanda's resolve was already made up. He had to go to Japan, he absolutely _had_ to. Anymore exchange of words between the two would have made Kanda's resolve falter, and he couldn't have that happening, no matter what.

_Which will you choose? Your family or someone whom you're not even sure who exactly he is to you?_

* * *

><p><em>Beep, beep.<em>

Cellphone?

Kanda picked up the small gadget, scowling at the display name on the caller ID. "What do you want?"

"_Woah, what's with the cold shoulder, Yuu-chan? After all those years of ignoring my calls!"_

"Get to the point, baka usagi."

"_Well, I heard from your father-"_

"He is not my father."

"_Ok, ok. Sorry. I mean Tiedoll."_

"Yeah? What about that fool?"

A sound came from the other end, sounding awfully similar to a sigh. _"I heard from him that you came back to London right?"_

"And?"

"_Well, I thought I'd let you know that Allen have had a rough time in this past three years so approach with caution if you ever find him alright?"_

"What do you mean 'rough time' and 'if I ever find him'?" Kanda demanded. What did the Moyashi go through all this time?

"You know how after you left… Mana passed away a few months later."

Oh no. What have he done?

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Kanda arrived at Allen's doorstep. It wasn't that difficult. All he had to do was just to rely on his instincts and his body's memory to get there. However, he was unsure of how to face the younger boy. He didn't know that so many unfortunate things would slowly tumble down upon him in such a short time, especially when somehow, he was almost the one who started the snowball rolling down a snowy hill, letting it accumulate into pretty much a snow boulder of troubles.<p>

Taking a deep breath, Kanda knocked on the door a few times. Earning no response, he continued pounding on the door, wondering if the younger boy was at home or not. Even though Kanda had somewhat remembered Allen's schedule down to pat, three years is a long time.

But his suspicions were confirmed when he hear familiar shuffling coming from inside, indicating that someone was in the house. And that someone was named Allen Walker.

So why was he being completely ignored?

Irritated, Kanda hit the door harder, having half the mind to smash the door, cut it down, or unhinge it from the wall.

So when those same shuffling steps got closer to the door, Kanda mentally heaved a sigh of relief. Having to stand out here in the harsh cold wasn't something extremely pleasant for Kanda and he'd just about to reach his limit already.

The lock clicked, showing that it was being unlocked, and then a silver eye peeped through the small opening made by the door.

Several emotions could be seen flashing through that silver orb in a split second.

Surprise.

Shocked.

Hurt.

Betrayal.

Anger.

Immediately, the door slammed shut in his face before Kanda had a chance to say anything.

"What the fuck, Moyashi?"

* * *

><p>"What the fuck, Moyashi?"<p>

Allen slammed the door in his face the moment he saw who his _visitor_ was.

'_No. No no no no no! He can't come back now! Especially not since after I've gotten over him. It took me so long to do that! He can't just come back into my life and ruin everything again! NO!'_

He leaned against the door and slid down to the floor, burying his head between his hands and resting them on his knees, desperately trying to block out the incessant pounding of the door which subsequently gave him a headache.

'Go away.'

'Go away!'

"GO AWAY!"

"_No! So open the door now Moyashi!" _Kanda's voice was muffled through the door, but Allen could almost hear him loud and clear.

"Don't call me that! And I won't open it!"

"_Open it now! We need to talk!"_

"Since when do you want to talk about things?"

_"Since now!"_

"About what?"

"_What?"_

"We have nothing to talk about anymore. So what is that you want to talk about?"

"_Stop asking stupid questions and just open the damn fucking door!"_

"NO!"

"_Damn you! Open it now or else!"_

"Or else what?"

"_Or else I'll cut down this door!"_

Contemplating if Kanda was really serious about it, Allen realized that this was Kanda and he was fully capable of doing so. So he'd keep the chain on the door and open it until barely enough for them to come face to face.

"There. I opened the door. So what?"

"I meant open the door and let me in, dammit."

"No."

"Don't make me repeat myself, Moyashi."

"… Fine."

Closing the door so he could unlock the chain, Allen opened the door once again, albeit reluctantly. Before he could open the door fully, however, Kanda just conveniently pushed open the door and headed inside.

* * *

><p>Complete silence.<p>

Both males just sat across each other on the old sofa in the living room, unspeaking. Sure, Kanda was the one who wanted to talk, but the moment he was in the house, he honestly didn't know how or where he was supposed to start.

Apologise first?

No freaking way.

Kanda Yuu don't _do_ apologies.

"I-If you have nothing to say, the-"

And the next thing Allen knew, he was pinned down on the couch with Kanda on top of him, kissing him furiously. He desperately tried to push out the invading tongue but to no avail. Allen was weak to Kanda's touch and especially when the two of them had almost three years of pent up feelings locked within each of them.

Allen had almost succumbed into the kiss before he suddenly came to his senses. Desperately trying to get the older male off him, Allen just kept pushing at his shoulder, arms, chest, anything, so long as would just _get the hell off_.

Realising that Allen didn't have mutual feelings at that point in time, Kanda broke the kiss, letting them both catch their breaths. Face flushed, Kanda couldn't tell if it was because of the kiss or the younger male was truly furious.

"Tch. What's wrong?" Kanda asked, purely on instinct, but then realized it was the worst mistake ever.

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG!" Allen raised his voice.

Yep. Definitely furious.

Not giving Kanda a chance to say anything else, Allen exploded. "YOU JUST SAY YOU'RE LEAVING AND JUST PACK UP AND GO WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATIONS, DISAPPEAR FOR THREE YEARS WITH NO CONTACT WHAT-SO-EVER WITH ANYBODY AND YOU'RE ASKING ME WHAT'S WRONG? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME?

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I'VE FELT THIS PAST THREE YEARS! YOU DON'T! You don't…" Clenching his fists and biting back the tears that were threatening to fall; Allen turned away and desperately tried to wipe away those escaped ones. "You h-have no i-idea..."

Too caught up in all his emotions, Allen continued sobbing. _'Why did he have to come back now?'_

In the midst of it all, he felt warm hands encircling his waist and something resting atop his head.

"Wha-?"

"I left without saying much because I didn't want to make myself have a change of heart at the last minute. I didn't contact you all this time because I needed to concentrate and the sooner I'm done the sooner I could come back."

"What? What did you have to do that it was this important for you to leave without saying anything?"

"My family."

"Huh?"

"I made a promise to my family, the day our house burned down; that I had to carry the family's pride and honour. Our ancestors had gone through so much for us to attain such a position and it was all of our duty to uphold it."

"You mean your family's 'samurai pride' or something along those lines?"

"Yeah. That. I was too caught up in that that I forgot to see the bigger picture."

"…"

"I'm sorry for leaving, moyashi."

"…"

"I know you've gone through a lot. I don't really expect you to forgive me now or ever, actually. I'm sorry for breaking our promise."

"I had Tim…"

"What?"

"I had Tim so I wasn't really alone…"

"But-"

"The first time we met, was because of Tim. So he's kind of linked to you in a way so I guess you never broke your promise…?"

Allen caved. He knew. He knew he couldn't keep the navy-haired male behind him away from him at all. In that short span of time, they've already been way too attached and the separation had only served to strengthen their longing for each other even more.

To feel each other's warmth again.

To feel each other's embrace again.

To feel each others' touch again.

* * *

><p>In a blink of an eye, Allen immediately found himself pinned back onto the sofa, with Kanda straddling him, capturing him in yet another passionate kiss. All the feelings of longing for the other's touch and presence were now being poured into each other. Kanda could almost feel like he was sharing the pain Allen had to endure the past three years and Allen, on the other hand, could feel the regret and painstaking work Kanda had put in just so he could come back and keep his promise.<p>

Kanda's right hand slid under the younger male's shirt, finding its way to a pert nipple. This motion made the latter gasp and tried to break away from the kiss.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Stop whining and just shut up."

"I'm not- mmfphh"

After effectively shutting up the beansprout, Kanda continued his ministrations, deftly unbuttoning all the buttons on Allen's dress shirt to expose that milky chest before switching to another erect bud and played with it. He then broke the kiss, leaving a disheveled and flushed male underneath him and moved on to leaving wet messy trails down his chest. Using his teeth, Kanda unzipped Allen's fly, exposing the younger's leaking manhood, albeit still restrained by his boxers.

Kanda let his other free hand roam downwards, pushing the offending article of clothing down to release Allen's manhood, stroking it painfully slowly to tease the younger male and then rubbing his thumb across the slit of the other's hard on.

"Hahhh… Kanda!"

"You like it, Moyashi?"

"N-Noh… Beanspruah… AH! Stop… It!"

At this, Kanda increased in tempo and began stroking the silver-eyed male faster and more thoroughly teasing him a few times in the process. It was a success as the Japanese helped brought Allen to climax, releasing all his seeds onto Kanda's awaiting hands.

Groaning in embarrassment, Allen tried to hide his face, but was pulled into yet another kiss by the demanding older male.

Sitting up and leaning against the armrest, Kanda pulled the younger male onto him in such a way that their positions were reversed. The older male's arms were wrapped around Allen's waist while the other had his arms on Kanda's shoulder. They continued kissing passionately and Kanda's hand slid down Allen's pants and grabbed his butt cheek causing Allen to moan into the kiss. Breaking it once again, Kanda propped Allen a little higher so that it was more comfortable and began teasing the already abused nipples one again, biting and licking them in alternating turns.

Rubbing his hand against Allen's shaft and tip, eliciting more precum in the process, Kanda proceeded to use it to coat around his fingers before inserting it into the younger's virgin hole, lubing it up. Gasping at the sudden intrusion, Allen squirmed a little before relaxing when Kanda urged him to. Circling and pushing his finger in and out a few times, Kanda inserted another, repeating the same actions but with a scissoring action. After Allen had gotten used to it, Kanda pushed in three fingers, trying to prepare him further.

Curling his fingers, Kanda sought out that one place inside of Allen that'll make him scr-

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Kanda smirked.

_Found it._

Brushing at that bundle of nerves several times, Kanda could feel Allen's cock springing back to life once again. He made a move to take off his shirt and also to release that growing erection of his, Kanda took some more of Allen's precum and smeared them on his own manhood.

"A-are we going to d-do it?" blushing a bright crimson at Kanda's action, Allen looked away, attempting to avoid eye contact. It was his first time after all, and he pretty much knew nil about anything related to these kinds of situations.

"You don't want to?"

"No… I just-"

"Then stop talking. You're ruining the mood." Kanda demanded, effectively shutting up Allen with his mouth, again.

Deeming Allen well prepared, Kanda pushed him down onto the couch, straddling the younger boy once again.

"It'll hurt at first, but just bear with it OK?" Kanda murmured into Allen's ear and kissed his forehead.

A little afraid at how the scene was unfolding to notice how out of character Kanda was, Allen braced himself as he saw Kanda pushing himself into Allen.

Squeezing his eyes shut at the growing pain due to how slowly Kanda was moving, some tears escaped his eyes as he brought his arms up and wrapped them around Kanda's neck, holding onto him as if he was holding onto dear life.

After edging himself in, Kanda panted, "Tell me. When to. Move."

Allen's tightness was already bringing the older male over the edge, but he had to be gentle. He told himself that. Allen was like a porcelain doll, small and fragile. One wrong move could shatter his entire being.

"Mo-move!"

All too willing to comply, Kanda pulled out completely before slamming back inside. It took a few tries before he was able to find Allen's prostate to make him feel the pleasure all over again. Angling himself such that he will hit the same spot, Kanda grabbed Allen's neglected cock and began stroking it in time with his trusts, occasionally rubbing his thumb over his slit, teasing him.

"F-faster, K-Kanda!"

As he felt Allen getting closer to climaxing, he could feel himself already reaching his limit. Gritting his teeth, Kanda increased his speed of his thrusts and stroking.

"Cum with me."

"Ahhh!"

"Allen!"

"Yuu!"

They both released their seeds at the same time, the older filling Allen up while the latter's splattered his over both their stomachs. Kanda collapsed, pulling Allen into a tight hug while both of them were lying on their sides before pulling out of the brown-haired male. Both still panting from the aftermath of sex, Allen whispered, "I love you, Yuu. Don't leave me again. No more second chances."

"Tch. You can count on it, baka Moyashi."

_I love you too._

* * *

><p><em>They craved each other's touches for so long.<em>

_Now, as they held each other in their arms,_

_They felt as if nothing could ever tear them apart again._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: OMG YOU GUISE. I'M SORRY THIS CAME OUT LATE! I wanted to get it out earlier, honestly! But then on New Year's Eve I was out the entire day for a small fanclub meeting and then the countdown. So I couldn't really finish it in time to post it up. Then after that I suddenly had another idea for this (and hence the random smut scene. OH! And it's my first try too! Be nice!) so it took a little planning and re-writing to get it up. AND THEN my internet connection is being a total bitch and it took some time getting over that so I could properly update this.**

**SO! I'M SO SORRY! m(_ _)m**

**But I hope you guys enjoyed it! First attempt at smut. I hope it didn't fail too badly. But thanks for supporting the story all the way since the start. Happy New Year guys! Hopefully 2012 will be a better year! (But for me, I really doubt it)**


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